Free chatting with willing girls

So, I'll start with this: a couple years ago, an event planner called me because I was going to do a speaking event. Why don't you just say I'm a researcher-storyteller." And she went, "Ha ha. And so I thought, you know what, this is the career for me, because I am interested in some messy topics. It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. It doesn't matter whether you talk to people who work in social justice, mental health and abuse and neglect, what we know is that connection, the ability to feel connected, is — neurobiologically that's how we're wired — it's why we're here.

And she called, and she said, "I'm really struggling with how to write about you on the little flyer." And I thought, "Well, what's the struggle? There's no such thing." So I'm a researcher-storyteller, and I'm going to talk to you today — we're talking about expanding perception — and so I want to talk to you and tell some stories about a piece of my research that fundamentally expanded my perception and really actually changed the way that I live and love and work and parent. When I was a young researcher, doctoral student, my first year, I had a research professor who said to us, "Here's the thing, if you cannot measure it, it does not exist." And I thought he was just sweet-talking me. " and he was like, "Absolutely." And so you have to understand that I have a bachelor's and a master's in social work, and I was getting my Ph. in social work, so my entire academic career was surrounded by people who kind of believed in the "life's messy, love it." And I'm more of the, "life's messy, clean it up, organize it and put it into a bento box." And so to think that I had found my way, to found a career that takes me — really, one of the big sayings in social work is, "Lean into the discomfort of the work." And I'm like, knock discomfort upside the head and move it over and get all A's. So I thought, you know what, I'm going to start with connection.

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  1. Men often define these women along evolutionary psychology lines—women who are sexually-selective, faithful, physically attractive, and have a pleasant, respectful disposition (for more on these qualities, see Buss, 2003 and my own articles here and here).