Gay dating after being hurt

Perplexing dilemmas abound when you’re single in the gay dating market, and perhaps one of the most common head-scratchers is when you, as an out gay man, meet and are immediately attracted to a man whom you discover is in the closet. Should you invest your heart and energy into building a romance and potential partnership?

In a dating world where it can seem impossible to find a compatible match, should you be picky in this particular regard?

I really wanted to try it with him because not once, over our many months dating, had he pressured me to bottom. It hurt, but only because I clenched for dear life. After we finished, we lay together, naked and cuddling.

The entire time I kept asking if I had accidentally pooped on him. Once my initial high wore off, that’s when the thought hit me: They’ve all been letting me do this? I had penetrated (P-in-V/P-in-B) numerous women and men before this experience.

Every man you meet will fall somewhere on this spectrum of the coming-out process, and it will be important for you to assess this dimension to ensure his level of development and self-acceptance matches your needs for a partner.

You, as an out man, will likely be positioned in Stages 5 or 6.

This is a developmental process with various psychological factors and milestones that occur through as we try to make sense of our sexual identity.

When women do want to penetrate me, it’s very much in a context of BDSM — but I don’t think it has to be. Excuse my vulgarity, but when I bottom for a woman, we’re never making love — I’m just getting f*cked. Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage?It was the act of having a person, quite literally, inside of me. I need to know that if I say stop, this hurts, you are going to stop right then and there.I need to know that if I accidentally poop on you, (yes, this does happen, actually quite often) you’re not going to make me feel insecure. Now that I've been penetrated, I finally understand why as a woman or man you might want to wait to have intercourse, even if you really like the person.But male bottoming should not be considered kinky, and women penetrating men should not be considered kinky. One last reason why every man should try being penetrated: It feels incredible. For both parties involved, but especially for the male bottom. With prostate stimulation, you get to experience full body orgasms. Here’s an apt comparison: Men, remember when you discovered masturbating and you thought, “How could this get any better? They’re more intense and no longer localized to your genitals. There’s no reason why only gay and bisexual men should get to experience all the good stuff.

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You’re going to smile, laugh it off, and still want to be with me. I honestly believe that if more men were penetrated, they would stop being such aggressive little punks about having sex so damn soon.

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